from the "I get all my best material from the sports pages department"
Winnipeg Free Press, C3, March 30/03

Sports Illustrated asked Jamie Sale and David Pelletier, Olympic figure skating champions, who have been dating for three years, if they ever get turned on while skating. "You know what I'm thinking about?" Pelletier answered. "I'm thinking about staying vertical, and I'm not talking about the little guy."

Tiger Woods won the Bay Hill Invitational by 11 strokes despite getting sick on the final day from bad pasta prepared by his Swedish girlfriend, Elin Nordegren. Says Ron Rapoport of the Chicago Sun Times: "He wants her to cook, too?"

and this golf widow funny:

Woman whose husband has just died goes into the local newspaper office to get an obituary published. The obt editor informs her there is a charge of 50 cents a word. She reflects and says, "Make it read, 'Bob Smith died.' " Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her there is a seven-word minimum. After thinking it over, she says, 'Let it read, 'Bob Smith died. Golf clubs for sale'."