Sports Funnies!

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up at the local casualty ward and a hippie is wheeled out on a gurney. The doctor questions his long-haired colleagues.

”So what was he doing then?” asks the physician. ”Acid? Cannabis?”

”Sort of,” replies one of the hippies, nervously thumbing his caftan. ”But we ran out of gear, so I skinned up a homemade spliff.”

”And what was in that?” asks the doctor.

”Um, I kind of raided my girlfriend’s spice rack.” says the hippie. ”There was a bit of cumin, some turmeric and a little paprika.”

”Well, that explains it,” the doctor replies, looking at them gravely. ”He is in a Korma.”

Original post by TheSportsCritics.com - Jokes - Laugh Out Loud

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ”THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, ”THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, ”THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.”

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ”Is that you, Lord?” The voice answered, ”NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.”

Original post by TheSportsCritics.com - Jokes - Laugh Out Loud

Q: How do you know you can’t trust doctors and lawyers?

A: Because they both “practice” their professions.

Original post by TheSportsCritics.com - Jokes - Laugh Out Loud

Why do baby chicks say “cheap, cheap, cheap?” Because they can’t say “expensive, expensive, expensive!”

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A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home.

One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled.

The guy limps up to the stoner and says “Call me an ambulance!”

The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, “You’re an ambulance!”

Original post by TheSportsCritics.com - Jokes - Laugh Out Loud

1. You’re convinced that chirping birds are Satan’s pets.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to “stay still.”
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
4. You’d rather have a pencil jammed up your nose than be exposed to sunlight.
5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.
6. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, “Step right up and give it whirl!”
8. All day long your motto is, “Never again.”
9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.
10. Your natural response to “Good morning,” is “Shut up!”

Original post by TheSportsCritics.com - Jokes - Laugh Out Loud

Auld fang syne.

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A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway.

He started chasing after the speeder . When he got close he’s saw it was a blonde woman who was actually knitting while driving.

The cop yelled, “Pull over!”

The blonde shouted back, “No! It’s a sweater!”

Original post by TheSportsCritics.com - Jokes - Laugh Out Loud

Where would you learn how to make ice cream?

At Sundae school.

Original post by TheSportsCritics.com - Jokes - Laugh Out Loud

Walking down the street, a man hears a voice: “Stop! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down and kill you.”

The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him. The astonished man continued walking to the cross walk.

The voice shouted, “Stop! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die.”

The man stood still; a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

“Where are you?” the man asked. “Who are you?”

“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.

“Oh yeah?” the man asked. “Where the hell were you when I got married last week?”

Original post by TheSportsCritics.com - Jokes - Laugh Out Loud